Well, ho, ho, ho. That's what I'm feeling right now - NOT. I am determined to keep plugging along here, but it has been one of those depressing times. Work down. Credit cards -- up. Not something that has always occurred with me, but with the need to send my son to his various academic things on one card, and putting payments for health matters on another -- and getting hit with a massive increase in the electric/water bill which needed being paid first -- oh dear. Plus Abou throwing a fit in Tanzania that I cannot readily give him money.

And then Thanksgiving itself -- in the home of a friend of mine who loves throwing lavish feasts, but who has lost most of her teaching jobs. Party subdued. Food, limited. (By her orders -- and me and the Italian couple were commiserating on their inability to bring their yummy salcici and my rum-soaked sweet potato casserole). And here people were so depressed that one got quietly drunk, one got noisily drunk, and the hostess herself -- off her Celexa medication no doubt -- screamed at 3 women who were checking her stuffing to get away from the oven, and then started a fight with her husband.

Well, there you have it -- the floating lightness on top and the seething oily black waves underneath.

Hmm. Let me see. I told Abou to "straighten up" and not throw tantrums (in ways I deemed understandable between him and me) and that life sometimes is like this, when one's patron (i.e., me) cannot always give you what you want because your patron (again me)is having hard times.

And as for my own business, I am going to make it past tense to be angry at the Indians on the Indian subcontinent where work has been outsourced, and to see them more as yes, just competitors, where my main challenge will be to find ways that people will come to those close to them, like me, instead of blaming Indians for my woes. It's easy to do the blaming, and harder to find ways around it, but I'm going to try. Which means learning some newer programs but also getting money -- somehow -- for a new computer capable of these programs. And maybe in that way, my Indian competitors are really the ones who have spurred me on to other things.

So let's call it like it is for me right now. Things are wobbling.

BUT I am not ready to throw everything to the wind. Nor sit down and mumble while eating slice after slice of pumpkin pie. I'm going to go for the less fattening pumpkin custard instead and figure out things to do. Because if this succeeds or fails, in the end, haven't I had an interesting time living my life in the span given to me.

http://charterforcompassion.org/

If you support the Dali Lama, if you believe in what Karen Armstrong has written, if you are sick of the yelling and posturing and wish to find a compassion-centered view, here's a website you might want to look at.

I am glued to the TV every time NCIS (an American TV show) comes on. Love the characters, especially Ziva, the uber-cool erstwhile assassin.

But on Tuesday they had a voice over at the end that was a quote from the German philosopher, Martin Heidegger, and I just had to add to my voluminous quote collection. It says a lot about what I see as life, and echoes closely my own views. So here it is:

"Anyone can achieve their fullest potential.
Who we are might be pre-determined but the path we follow is always of our own choosing.
We should never allow our fears, or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny.
Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged.
Every man is born as many men and dies as a single man"

A lovely birthday to a lovely soul.

Rebekah

On and on we go, one journey ends and another begins. And always there's another door to go through.

I'm glad you're as curious as me. The journey's been an interesting one and there's so much more to see.

Hugs on your birthday,

Rebekah

Using a ouija board is not a seance. It was developed in the 1800s when the craze for mediumship was quite high.

That said, I have been to seances throughout my life. Most were quite ordinary even if somethind did come through. On the other hand, I have been to a highly trained Englishman who had been a medium for years. Amidst 10 other people there, he,in trance, gave me answers to puzzles that had dogged me for years about family secrets. Those who came in as relatives identified themselves by saying who their names and where they were born -- and in a couple of cases, I didn't know that and had to verify that later. I am very grateful for this particular session. As a scientist once remarked, the world is stranger, grander and a lot more complex than we can ever imagine.

Tags: dead, ouiji, seance, writer's block

Been there, done that, and since it was family members (who denied everything and accused me of lying) it was a waste in one sense. In the other sense, it told me to get a new life and find new folks who loved me.

Tags: confrontation, pain, writer's block

First I want to say that I was lucky to attend a seidh workshop with the inimicable Diana Paxson. It is quite an experience to be with so many ordained priests and priestesses in many taditions, including Celtic, but particularly Norse. To be with people who look at suddenly falling into visions not as proof of insanity but as a normal part of life was quite unusual, eyeopening and refreshing while scary in its own sense.

And that it where the next part of the story comes in. Because as maybe a huge cosmic set-up, I had made my lunch for the last day and would never have gone into the kitchen if I had remembered to take it with me. I didn't. But no problem! There was bread with peanut-butter. Oh, my favorite!

Only beside the peanut-butter glittering like jewels was a plate of red crystals. I didn't know what it was, thought it might be food, wasn't sure, picked it up with my hands and tasted it. Dumb of course. It tasted like incense (or what I supposed incense to taste like). I quickly put it down, but did not wash my hands. (Oh, the things we learn in kindergarten that we should never forget). I made my sandwich and ate it.

Now if it had been only that, I probably could have gotten away with maybe an upset stomach. But at the end of the session was a period of wild dancing. Which of course, damn being 61, here I was going to do it with my newfound 20-year-old friends.

Wrong! Not to do when one has ingested whatever it was. Because oh 20 minutes later I was struck with terrible dizziness and stomach pain, which I was sure was only because I had overdone it. I wouldn't say a word to anyone -- the event was breaking up anyway but instead endured a long ride home, growing sicker all along the way, until at the end, when finally at home, I could barely get to the house. At first there was just dry heaves and then -- oh Lordy! -- there began 2 hours of off-and-on vomiting.

Maybe I should have gone to the ER but by that time, I had no idea what had happened, and I frankly was not thinking clearly at all. In fact, my brain no longer seemed connected with my body and finally I seemed to be standing aside and watching all of this while my body continued convulsing and shaking. When finally it was over, I slept, and the worst of the pain was over, but I was very weak. Throughout the next few days, this improved, but a sense of apathy and malaise entered in.

I did not go to the doctor, but instead kept my chiropractic appointment to see if she - a homeopath as well could pick up what it was. She was shocked and I got scared seeing her reaction. She said right away that it was poison and had hit the heart, lungs and nervous system. She gave homeopathic concoctions but said if it did not improve to go straight to the ER.

Well, it has improved, to the point that I was able to get my mind together to call the store that had sponsored the event and asked what the incense was they had placed. Only they hadn't placed any incense. The owner had seen it and felt it was a pesticide set out. In the kitchen? During a festival where people would be going in and out? Amidst the food?

But here I am, alive and better and able to tell the tale. My life sometimes is too exciting.

Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you!

Yes, getting one's hands in the soil is lovely. There is so much to do. Winter in Southern California brings cooler weather but not the snow, ice and freezing temps that everyone else has to suffer. My pepper plants look rather wilted, and soon will be the ends of the zinnias and portulacas. But I am already making wonderful plans for pansies -- trays of them - to brighten up the area. And oh yes, ordered heirloom seeds for peas - snap and snow -- plus something called Dancing Ladies. Let the fun begin!

Then found 2 cats living in an industrial area. Decided to feed them. I think they were someone's pets. They stand and watch silently as I pour the kibble in rather than bolting as a true feral would do. It makes me feel good. Will see if I can get close enough to start working with a rescue group for a trap-neuter-return.

And finally, oh yes, the antisemites. A 10-second clip on Anne Frank brings out all the Holocaust deniers and like ilk. They are so trollish. There are people refuting them, and it doesn't faze them a bit. Logic and reason are nothing to them. So for me, the hell with logic. It is good to write -- "HAHAHAHA, you are a joke, aren't you?" or "Thank you for reminding us that hate and stupidity go together."

I am going to write someday how I, who left Judaism to seek out other things, am reconciling myself to my Jewish roots But right now, I am feeling happy -- gardening, feeding cats, and jousting with antisemites.